little big secrets

I've never written anything much here even though this is my blog and suppose to be used as a journal. People who knows me, assumes they know me, not that I've been faking stuffs from them. The know the Smiling part of me, the happy guy on steroids side of me. Boy Sicat even asked if I am into some kind of magic prozac. No, never needed any of them drugs to alter any of my already imbalance chemical metabolism. Heh, whatever that means.

I've been silent for too long and maybe because I been observing and analyzing. I think I now know what's keeping this country down. We don't appreciate each other the way that we should. We are taught to be polite and not be rude to people. Never to be rude IN FRONT OF THEM. I know because a few years ago, one of my student confessed that a group of well respected creators bought a copy of my groups ashcan and well, vandalized the copy with ballpen. Telling him bad things about it and even my character. I just told him, don't worry. they bought it. They have the right to that to it. The are costumers. I would be mad if they did not pay for that copy. Opinions are important and should be respected.

I think we all need a bit of Gerry Alanguilan. This is why I love this guy. He will only promote me and my work if and only if he believes that what I did is good. Otherwise, he keeps silent. That is how I know which of my work he did not like. If there is something he really needs to tell me, he tells me. He even told me once that he did not like me for a time, then surprisingly I grew on him. That meant a lot to me. Eternal respect is what I have for him.

I had friend who told me that he needs to solicit some money from me, because there was a fire. Then, he told me that people who'll give him money will be his basis of what a true friend means. Money is not a guage of friendship for me so i tested his character. I did not give him money but instead prayed for his safety. Until now, he does not talk to me. Friendship for me is free.

Another asked me to work for her. I agreed and did the deed. When I asked for my salary for some of the artists who worked with me. The book was already out by the way and it was only a small amount. She told me that she taught that I was professional? and I was greedy. This one really boggled my mind til now :)

We are sometimes polite outside but so rude in the inside. That is why our country is so unsettling at times. We are okay, every Pinoy knows how to smile or should I dare say mask our pains. We love to tell jokes about almost anything. I do that a lot, only my wife tells me the truth. "That one is not funny Gilbert." I take that joke out of my system. It's rewarding to be married to a woman who can tell you only truths. She keeps me in check. Our country also needs a little checking, especially on character.

If you think that sometimes all this hidden rudeness is a matter of fact? Then try to imagine all our officials, our government, the business sectors down to our brothers and sisters? We've probably lost something valuable that can never be replaced. We've lost trust, and gain a lot of doubts. How can we be a strong country if deep inside we are thinking that our neighbors might be thinking and even saying bad things behind our backs? We must learn to reeducate ourselves. our chains might have already been broken, the chain that links us all together. But we can still weave a rope, a rope that is made of that thing that I recently heard from the radio. The term they called MORAL FIBER.

So, I guess by now you're thinking what my being a happy guy have anything to do with all this? Well, I just like to tell you that I appreciate everything and everyone that comes in to my life. Why?

Because I am here now. Even though I came from a broken family. I am here. Even though I had to wake up around 5am and ride jeepneys from Pandacan to Guadalupe just to go to school when I was 13. I am now here. Had to walk home everyday from school because I just don't have much to spend for food. Had to go live with different relatives and felt like a bouncing ball because they can tolerate a guest for only so long? I am now here. Was left with only 35 pesos when my mom went abroad, had to budget that money, luckily I have my best friend, Rene Sabangan and his wonderful family who helped me plus of course my titas and cousins that even though we lived on a so called squatters area, we grew up to be decent people. I had to borrow 50 pesos each week for two months from my mom's friend, that was so embarrassing for me. I hang on til my mom finally sent in some graces from the middle east. Haven't seen my dad from age 12 to age 29 when he visited just to say hi. It will be a long list of more unfortunate memories but still like I said, I am now here.

People, all this memories includes people. All of them a family to me. All of them, a reason to be happy. All the dark stuffs are all in the past, all of us are all here...Now.

Now is where I have the job that is also my dream, my loving wife, My son who smiles alot, he is my hope. Tell me, isn't that enough reason to appreciate this life?

I can tell you now why everything will be fine, why I am a happy person. If you think back? You'll know how lucky you are to be here at all. If some of you don't have memories such as these... even better, and the more reason to be happy.

Most of all, I think God is watching over us. Before I thought it was all about luck. Now I know, It is all a matter of faith.